A Song for a New Big Brother or Big Sister

Make the older child the star

The song is theirs from the first word. Their name opens it, comes back in every chorus and closes it. The baby can have a part, but a small one: the little one they get to show around.

Before you write anything about the baby, write down who your older child is without one. Being the big sister is this month's news, but she's also the kid who collects pine cones, who sings in the bath, who has strong opinions about which socks go with which shoes. The song should hold both.

Say your daughter, we'll call her Hazel, is four. She loves frogs, wears rain boots in July and has been practicing with a baby doll for months. Her song can call her the big sister in the chorus and still find room for the frogs, because she's still Hazel.

Their new job, in the song

Older kids love a title, and big sister or big brother is a job with real duties. The song can treat it that way. Pick two or three that fit your house, or use the list to find your own:

• Chief diaper fetcher, the one who knows where the wipes are kept.
• Outfit picker: the duck pajamas or the striped ones, a decision only a big sister can make.
• Tour guide: showing the baby the dog, the garden, the window where the garbage truck goes by on Tuesdays.
• Funny face specialist, in charge of the baby's first laughs.
• Song teacher: the one who sings the baby their own favorite song.
• Nap guard, keeping the house quiet, which may be the hardest job of all.
• Story reader, even if the story is mostly pictures and made-up words.

Choose the jobs your child already does or can't wait to try, so the song sounds like them on a good day. Leave out anything that's still a struggle, like waiting their turn or using a whisper voice. The song celebrates the big sister they already are.

Use their words if they've named the job themselves. If your son has announced that he's the baby's boss, tell us, and the song can call him the boss.

Where the baby fits

One song can include several names, so the baby can be in it as "the baby", a nickname, or their name if it's chosen and you're ready to share it. If the name is still a secret, "the baby" works fine. The name in the chorus belongs to the older child anyway.

Keep the baby small in the story, the way a newborn is small in a photo of the big sibling holding them.

Say your son, we'll call him Leo, is two, and the baby is his new sister. A line about Leo showing her his trucks is about Leo. A line about her tiny fingers is about her. Use the first kind.

When to give it

There's no single right moment. Each one feels different, so match it to your child:

1. In the last weeks before the birth. It gives them the title early and something of their own while the house fills up with baby things. Choose this if your child has a lot of questions about what's coming.
2. The day they meet. Some families have a small gift waiting at the hospital "from the baby", and a song can be that gift. Choose this if you can find a calm minute, which a hospital room doesn't always offer.
3. The first afternoon home, once the bags are down. Choose this if you want a moment for just the older child before the visitors start.
4. The first busy weekend, when the living room is full of relatives. Play it with everyone listening, so the whole room hears whose song it is. Choose this if your child likes an audience.
5. A few weeks in, when the visits slow down and the baby still takes most of your time. Choose this if you'd rather save it for an ordinary afternoon that could use a lift.

Whenever you choose, keep the words short. Try: "This song is about you, because you're the big sister now. Want to hear it?" Then hand them the phone and let them press play.

A sound that fits their age

The song follows the older child's age, and a new big sibling can be any age from one to twelve. Here is how it sounds from one to seven.

At one and two, the song has claps, shakers and lines to sing back. A toddler may not follow a whole story about being a big brother, but they can shout "big brother" back at the speaker, and that's the line to give them.

At three and four, it's bright kids-pop, the kind they'll want on in the car on the way to meet the baby, and again on the way home.

From five to seven, it's real pop or rock, with no baby sounds. That matters more than usual here. A six-year-old whose house is suddenly full of rattles and lullabies may like hearing a song that sounds made for a big kid.

Start the big sister's song

Write down three things: who your older child is apart from the baby, the two or three jobs they're proudest of, and how the family says their name. Then start the big sister's song, or the big brother's, and we write it from your answers.

Babies keep their own schedule, so it helps that every song is delivered in hours. Plus two bonus songs for the older child, which you can pick or let us pick for their age. You can read how the songs change from newborn to 12 on our page about songs for kids.